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THE PIG

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This is what I looked like to myself…”piggish!” For some reason my nose was exactly like this, too me. While I was not pink, at all, for some strange reason I viewed myself as very “piggish” in the face.

When I looked in the mirror I saw a woman with a pig’s face. I had long side burns and deep widow’s peak, and I did not see the beautiful eyes and high cheek bones looking back at me, just a pig when I looked into a mirror. I felt degusting to myself, so I just know I was degusting to everyone else!!! Adding to the fact that I was…“thick,” I thought of myself as a milk chocolate pig all the way around. There was nothing on me that was small or little; I can say that I was a balanced individual if nothing else meaning I had a large head with big breast and legs.

The Ugly Duckling

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In the eyes of a mother, no child is ugly (I hope), and it was the same for my mother. I was her first little girl! As a baby I was adorable, cute and as precious as could be. To my older brothers, I was another child to play with, so they knocked me around, when mother was not around, and taught me how to play rough when she was there.

As I grew older mother had two other little girls, which were just as cute, but I remained the first on the scene. While there was no doubt of my mother’s love, it was plain, too me, that I was not as cute anymore. Not because of the birth of my two younger sisters, but because I was bigger than they were. Not taller mind you, just fatter! Not only was I the biggest girl, my mother was smaller than I as well, and that was horrifying, especially when I became a teen!!!

The younger years were not so bad, even with my two younger sister around, but when I reached the adolescent stage, it got bad quick! Thank God, my mother did not try to put me on a diet or starve me to death or embarrass me in front of my friends and/or boyfriends. It was like a family secret, although I was not hiding, and I was well seen in the public with my family. No one knew except immediate family members, and it was my mother that spoke to me about it the most. My siblings would joke and poke at me sometimes about my weight but not much and only if we were making fun of each other, so we all laughed. Reflecting on it now I realize that it was more about me than it was anyone, including my mom. My mother would only make suggestions to me about losing weight. I was the one that felt like the “Ugly Duckling!” Because I was not as slim as the others, I started feeling inferior to the females in my family. I did not have weight as an issue within my circle of friends because half of them were just a thick as I was. But school was a different matter. At school it was truly a battle with myself image as I viewed other teenage females. So the idea of being an “Ugly Duckling” was only reinforced.

 

Eddie Munster

 

 

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I first noticed that I was not as, let’s say, nice looking as other little girls was in my early school years. There were several times when I was picked on because I was bigger and had less hair than the other girls.

In elementary, I was known as “Eddie Munster” because of my widow’s peak and long side burns. I was not a boy nor was I white or very light skinned; it was simply because of my peak that was unusually deep! I do not remember wearing dark clothes although I was a bit “tomboyish” and dresses and light colors were not my thing.

Moving to middle school I began to shave my widow’s peak and side burns off. I wanted to fit in with the crowd and look as pretty as the other girls that I went to school with. I also wanted the cuter and more popular boys to notice and like me, and looking like Eddie Munster was not going to do the trick, I thought! As well as changing my facial features, I had to change my style of dressing too. I wanted to kick that tomboy dress code out the door and start looking like a girl, not a lady—just like all the other girls.

Now high school was the jackpot! I blended my desire of ‘stylishness’ with others creating my own individual look as a new teen stepping onto the high school scene with a new concept and a new me! This is the time when I introduced myself to myself by allowing me to come out and see the world for the wonderful individuality it offered. ‘

Are you asking yourself, ‘why are you telling me this?’ Well I am glad that you have asked this question. Do you have the perfect skin, teeth, the perfect eye color or hair (whatever that is)? Look in the mirror, do you like what you see…I do, and how did I get here…

 

HELLO WORLD!!!

globeThis blog is for every person that has self-doubts, feelings of insecurities and being misunderstood/not being accepted as they are. There is a way out of that lonely world in which you find yourself.  How do I know…because I was once there too!