In the eyes of a mother, no child is ugly (I hope), and it was the same for my mother. I was her first little girl! As a baby I was adorable, cute and as precious as could be. To my older brothers, I was another child to play with, so they knocked me around, when mother was not around, and taught me how to play rough when she was there.
As I grew older mother had two other little girls, which were just as cute, but I remained the first on the scene. While there was no doubt of my mother’s love, it was plain, too me, that I was not as cute anymore. Not because of the birth of my two younger sisters, but because I was bigger than they were. Not taller mind you, just fatter! Not only was I the biggest girl, my mother was smaller than I as well, and that was horrifying, especially when I became a teen!!!
The younger years were not so bad, even with my two younger sister around, but when I reached the adolescent stage, it got bad quick! Thank God, my mother did not try to put me on a diet or starve me to death or embarrass me in front of my friends and/or boyfriends. It was like a family secret, although I was not hiding, and I was well seen in the public with my family. No one knew except immediate family members, and it was my mother that spoke to me about it the most. My siblings would joke and poke at me sometimes about my weight but not much and only if we were making fun of each other, so we all laughed. Reflecting on it now I realize that it was more about me than it was anyone, including my mom. My mother would only make suggestions to me about losing weight. I was the one that felt like the “Ugly Duckling!” Because I was not as slim as the others, I started feeling inferior to the females in my family. I did not have weight as an issue within my circle of friends because half of them were just a thick as I was. But school was a different matter. At school it was truly a battle with myself image as I viewed other teenage females. So the idea of being an “Ugly Duckling” was only reinforced.